First post after what feels like forever

It really has been a while since my last post. A friend encouraged me to write more in the future. Well, in this post, that i wrote so late, i will just state that im doing well and okay (aside from my recent 'hospital fiesta'). And i suppose there's no harm in posting my very recent picture

More to come...

Lots of love!

bless you

it's been ages where people said 'bless you!' whenever there's someone sneeze.... So, based on that, the story begun. Nathan, one of my nephew, join us for dinner at uptown grill. He's 5 years old. So.... He asked his mum and point to one pepper bottle 'mommy, this is what makes you bless you?' hwawawawawa.... So everyone laughs

(-) & (+)

How can I run this relationship with you if I can’t trust you?
All I need is for you to show me that you are trustworthy…


It’s been days since the last time I sleep well

My parents out of town

Fight with him over his lies

Plan on going to the club while parents gone

Nothing to do daylight, it’s holiday

They plan on going swimming

Still waiting for his sweet surrender… not yet…

Heard of some good stuff for this Saturday

Can’t sleep thinking about him

My sister making Okonomiyaki today

Missed him

Made my first pancake last night, it was go---od

I still can’t trust him, I don’t know why

New songs on my iTunes

He’s just not that into me

He’ll come around

~sigh

Silence!

I’ve known the Hinduism celebration of ‘Nyepi’ day, which means the day of Silence. But of course, back in town, all I’ve reckoned on the subject is that it’s a day of holiday since the government has turned ‘Nyepi’ day as public holiday. And I remember once, back in Jakarta, Sudirman-Thamrin road was closed for public from 6 am till 1 pm at the cost of honoring Nyepi. And I thought back then “wow, that’s huge, I mean, closing the main road in the center of metropolitan city even only for like 7 hours. Guess Nyepi is a big deal after all”. Well… I thought too soon.

I am now spending a week of my holiday in Bali during the absolute day of silence, so they say. As I read earlier on Bali Post magazine, Local news column, I had found out series of rules for society who lives in Bali, and above all, citizens who holds Hinduism as their religion. Shocked the hell out of me.

The rituals remain in absolute effects for 24 hours. Or in my case, it began on Wednesday evening, March 26, 2009 until 6 a.m. Friday Morning, March 27, 2009.

And during the period of it…

we must not lit any lights (not even candles!)
we must not perform any works
we must not enjoy any amusements
we must maintain silence
we must not venture outside the sealed and silent quarters (by all means, held hostage in your own property)

As they wrote it, Tourist visitors and non-Balinese residents of the island are expected to heed local tradition, which brings the entire island to a ghost-town-like standstill.

I mean… what???
Oh… and there’s more!

Hotel service and staff will be compelled to stay at their place of employment during the 24hour period as travel between home and job will not be possible.

All roads across the island will fall silent and be available for use only by emergency vehicle.

Hotel guests must stay on their hotel grounds throughout the 24hour period during which they will be able to enjoy most hotel facilities and services. Guest rooms windows will have their curtains drawn and outside lighting at hotels will be dimmed or extinguished during the Nyepi period.

Bali’s Ngurah Rai Airport will be closed with no flight operations allowed during the 24hour period. Technical and emergency landings will be permitted, including medical evacuation flights, but crew landing at the airport between 6 a.m. on March 26 until 6 a.m. the following morning will not be allowed to leave the airport terminal.

All Bali seaports will be closed during the 24hour Nyepi period.

The once monthly tsunami alarm testing that occurs at 10 a.m. on the 26th of each month will not take place on March 26th.

The even shut the Airport?! Man!

According to a friend of mine, the rituals of Nyepi is actually intended for people to re-evaluate themselves of the past year they’d been through. Some sort for forgiveness for those who realized mistakes they’ve made and make amends for it.

So… I guess there’ll be neither lights nor whatever electrical (mobile phones, mp3, laptop, TV, Sound system) for me tonight… sigh… perhaps if I turn silent mode? Oh why not….

Lots of Love!

What if i Stay?

Calling all my senses
I can't see
or taste
or feel you anymore

And every day
I'm calling on my inner strength
To fight for something once worth fighting for

Maybe it's life in the real world
Maybe it's all been my fault

What if I go?
What if I leave?
What if I show you how you're breaking me?
And I know,
whatever I say I'll still be thinking

What if I stay?

Staring at the stars
I make a wish
that I could travel back in time

I lie awake just looking at your face
And I remember how you used to look at mine


~Melanie C

Dream or Real?

I was awake by surprise just 4 hours ago (which had me awake until now!) because of my dream. Which got me to think of the possibilities that there’s perhaps a connection between dream world and real world. I was dreaming about me and this guy I’ve dated but didn’t work out as I hoped it would.

(Dream World)

We were having dinner at this place when suddenly, before our meals came, the lights went off. Having dirty thoughts on his minds, as horny as he was, we ditched out dinner and just went out from the place.

Before we got into his car, I remember this lucidly, I said to him ‘wait, you haven’t paid the bill!’. And he went to pay for the bill.

I remember we got into this fight in his car, and I gave him silent treatment by rearranging his things in the car.

Then, I asked him whether he wants to stay over or not and before I know it, I already gave him a blowjob. It was then when he got me choked because he digs too deep.

(Awake)

I was startled and awake and felt suffocate along with my attempt to breathe. And then I realized, it was just like that choke-incident I had when I gave him heads on my dream.

Geezzz…

Lots of love!

my Sims are gay!

I started playing Sims again when I bored out of hell with my shop-scene. As you probably already guessed, I created a male avatar in my description and named him Obie Gaylicious (in the hope of I can make him as gay as I am now). He lived in 88 Gaystreet, Bayview. An eclectic house designs, with colors everywhere. Reds and indigos majorly, but also yellow and green attached here and there.

Evidently, it’s true that you can make your Sims as gay as it seems. As Obie is now like, totally gay.

My Sims now married with another male Sims I made, Darren, and they lived happily together. And seeing their togetherness, it bugged me, really. In all my previous relationships, I have felt that togetherness feeling and, clearly, now all that feelings are rushing back, made me realize that I’ve missed those feelings.

The game turned out to be too real for me. The way they looked at each other, the way they missed each other when the presents of others not in sight, the way they hugged in bed, the way they kissed, kid, everything. Once, when Darren was having his moment in the toilet, Obie was in the kitchen making dinner with Darren’s face and love signs all over his mind. Another time, they were outside, cuddling under the tree and talking about the moon (or so). I’m telling you, the Sims really did that! I didn’t add anything just to spice up this story I’m telling. I really didn’t want to admit this, but I guess I really am the relationship type of guy. No matter how hard I tried not to think about this single life of mine, it kept coming back to my concerns.

Was it because of these failed relationships I had lately, that made me feel rather melancholy? I’ve always placed these thoughts in my head… That it wasn’t supposed to be this hard, being single is not the end of the world, love will come around.

Where’d all that go?

This is the kind of dilemma I could not share to anyone’s around me, also the kind that I would really need help from. But, just the thought of me being too soft having this silly trouble I made, let alone share it to others, had throw me out of line and kept it all to myself. I guess I really am not up to running for ‘drama queen of the year’, huh?

Funny how it has always been me, when I’m feeling blue and gloomy I’ve always felt in peace listening to mellow songs. Just now, I’m listening to this song that really embodied my on and off relationship.

Calling all my senses
I can’t see or taste or feel you anymore
And everyday
I’m calling on my inner strength
To fight for something once worth fighting for

Maybe it’s life in the real world
Maybe it’s all been my fault

What if I go?
What if I leave?
What if I show you how you’re breaking me?

And I know
Whatever I say
I’ll still be thinking

What if I stay?

Back then, I was running with suffocating, heartbreaking relationship yet I couldn’t get out from for the reason of my love for him. I kept on dreaming in believing that us both can work things out, that no matter what we’ll both get through everything, that his love for me was true. I was away from home when I’m with him. And every time I threatened him by packing my clothes after us fighting, he begged me to stay and when I looked in his eyes, I saw sincere apology.

But now,
After 2 months apart,
After I see things clearly,
I won’t be thinking ‘what if I stay?’.

Perhaps ‘Thank god I left!’

Don’t get me wrong; being with him was such fun. And if I’d be given the opportunity to have ‘fun’ with him again, I would. Mamas gotta eat!

Lots of Love!

my mother's diamonds went missing...

And she’s gone ballistic!

She cried the whole day, accusing everyone who passed her way. She even called me twice downstairs to ask me if I ever saw her diamonds and she went to my room once just to confirm the same thing. She informed everyone that the last time she wore them was last Saturday when she went to this party. And just this morning, she found them missing. And with accusing tone on her voice, she asked if I had been home on Sunday. I was, so I said yes. You’d think that after the last incident of losing some of her jewelries like 3 months ago and some psychic had told us that she just forgot where she put them, she wont budge me or any other family member about another missing in action dilemma. She did tell us that this diamonds of hers apparently had cost her a house. But with her pre-dementia attitude, we’d think that she just forgot where she’d put them. If no one ever did ‘stole’ her diamonds, I’d risk everything I’ve got that she hid them somewhere that no one, not even her herself, know where to find them!

Try to avoid the situation at home, just this afternoon I went to Pluit Village to calm my head from all the heat. Couple of days ago, while going through my dresser (so much of a dresser, it’s a pile of clothes laying on my suitcase), I found underwear that does not belong to me. But I loved them! It’s white and very sexy (as I tried it on, damn!) and I’m pretty sure it belonged to my sister. Yes, it’s for women, and buying children’s underwear for me to use the last time didn’t stop me before (I am sick!). So, while I was in Pluit Village, why not buy myself sexy underwear? I went to women department and had found what I’ve been looking for. Slightly different… Better fabric and color. I bought the hot-pink and black and white stripes. You know what? Much cheaper than the sexy underwear I bought, for men, Skinwear. I’m gonna need to come back tomorrow to buy some more.

After walking around PV with nowhere to go, I finally went to Jco for some wireless Internet. Replied couple of mails and download couple of pictures (non-pornographic), and I just realized that I didn’t bring my match! Now how am I going to smoke?! The first time I’m spending my time at Jco and not smoking any of those filthy cigarettes. Desperate for one, I went to Carrefour to buy a match. I called dewie (my sister) to pick me up since she’s home already. On the way to where she’s picking me, I saw this fabulous sun glass the style I had always wanted. The one Victoria Beckham always wore at any occasions, but of course, mine didn’t say Christian Dior or Roberto Cavalli on the side. But close enough. So I bought them, yay!

Went home,
Ate something,
To my room,
Watching Ghost Whisperer season 04,

That’s pretty much my day up until now…
Writing this.

Lots of Love

As It Turned Out...

I NO LONGER HOLD THE CROWN FOR BEING QUEEN OF THE WORLD…

OR DRAMA QUEEN FOR THAT MATTER.

This bitch that sort of, somehow, kept on crawling back, seeming for attentions she crave from everyone that ironically revolve around me, hurts me just to hear another piece of her. As the former queen of the world, it is my nature to reject all things without me in it, let alone another demanding-attention bitch that breathes near me. What bothers me the most, I exploited every force within me that I had not having to deal with her attitude, it is my sister that kept that bitch coming back, living and sadly, breathing, among my surroundings. The bitch works for the same school my sister did, and apparently they’re some sorts of soul sisters. Eughhh…

In the past, she did things that appear to annoy everyone in the group and the group sort of disowned her by ditching her. This group includes my siblings, our friends and me. And ‘she’ includes her alone! This happens like years ago. It felt like years ago. So, with this, she has some sort of ‘history’ of her own regarding her not-so-fond personality amongst my surroundings. Somehow… not knowing how or when, there she was, on the front door picking up my sister for a night out. Really, personally, I have nothing against her. That’s why, back then, I welcomed her back, not knowing I let myself in for distasteful ride.

She had this boyfriend, soon-to-be married, who left her not long after she decided together that her boyfriend, both her sons and her are going abroad for achieving their supposedly ‘dream life’. Made her stressed and all. If you have feelings, then you’d understand. I empathize for her lost, we all did. After a while… she knew her problems, we gave her supportive advices, I’m sure she know what’s best for her and her sons… and what do I still hear the last couple of days? Drama, drama and drama of her life.

‘What should I do?
I don’t understand!
Why’d he do that to me?
I need him telling me directly!
Where is he?’

OH! GET A GRIP! You bitch!

No, she never really asked anything advice-wise from me nor she cried helplessly towards me. But…

She asked my sister when I was there,
She asked her friends when me and my sister were there,
She asked my brother-in-law when me and my sister were there,
She asked another friend when me, my sister and my brother-in-law were there,
She asked my other sister when me, my sister and my brother-in-law were there,
She pouted, cried, moped, gloomed, sobbed, weep when we were there!

And I didn’t say a thing. Not a problem of mine. And I could’ve gone into my room not listening and I did. I knew a drama queen when I see one; she is one and I too. We’re great as long as we’re not involving each other’s life.

Recently, when she came over with both her kids, to… what do you call that? Oh.. shared some feelings (her feelings and hers only). And of course, leave her kids unattended while she’s gone acted queen and all, and left her kids screaming, playing, noise right outside my bedroom door. I was pissed, but didn’t say a thing (just screamed to the kids to ‘SHUT IT!’, my defense, it was suppose to be her job and not mine). If I was to mad like hell just because some kids screams in front of my door, my nephews wouldn’t even breathes this very second. So, what the hell with her, just a stupid single parent with two kids.

That is until I found out that not anymore everyone’s empathize towards her needy-queeny-attitude. Enough is enough, and they had it with her. It’s just that they hadn’t had it like I’ve had it with her enough to tell her to screw her problems cause I’ve got plenty. And so, just yesterday, I did what I should’ve done months ago.

It was a nuisance to me that, instead of re-defining herself and looks up to why her friend had to confronted her, she wondered why I felt such way about her. She was something. Apparently she never thought that she ever have to feel guilty cause, of course, she never cost an annoyance to other people.

Well… OR SO SHE THOUGHT!

There’s still a lot to say about her… but why bother.

Lots of love!

these rides i rode

Here I am I guess… trying to define myself yet again after a long while not defining... anything. I don’t even know if I still had it in me now that I haven’t wrote anything for almost 2 years! But then again, I believe that it has always been sort of my nature to do so. So… starting now bitches.

I consider my life these past two years was a joyful ride I will never overlook. Lots of ups and downs, that’s for sure (what’s so me without those?). Maybe I should start with a fairly love-story I had 7 months ago with Bali holding significant part as the setting. It was him the first bad-guy in my life (we know we ought to have one), he looked all bad, unpredictable, unusual. At first facing this guy I was all scared and stuff wanting to fly back to Jakarta immediately, 2 weeks passed I kept on coming back to him. There was something different with this guy, I thought, and you wouldn’t think swimming on the beach at midnight naked is something you’d do even occasionally, or driving to mountains; no destinations; nowhere to go; ‘high’; bottomless; and to top it all, lost! It was all new with him. Aside from all that fun we had together, we just don’t match for each other. We fight all the time. Five months of us forcing things to happen, we called it quit. It’s a real shame; we could make a great couple (at least that’s what I thought).

Back in Jakarta for 2 months now, and apparently his business took him to Jakarta. I’m sensing both of us wouldn’t want to let go all the fun we had back then, so just this afternoon when he text me for a hook-up, I said yes. Not getting back together, just hooking up. Looking forward for it.

The 2 months

Back in Jakarta and have absolutely nothing to do, I went to the shop to earn some cash. Went to the usual club we all go. Search for possible future boyfriend that’s for sure. I found one just 3 weeks ago. I really, really liked him as I glanced through his photos and I knew I met him before. So the really-liking part of me asked for his number and he giving me all that we-should-get-to-know-each-other-first attitude, and I was all dude-it’s-a-phone-number-and-not-that-I-want-your-keys. Loathed his guts, I replied ‘yea… sure’ and not a single message after. And then of course, I met him on YM. We talked not more than 10 minutes when he asked me to come along to this party at a club and he just gave me his number. No la-la-la, just him:081---! I wouldn’t say no to club, so I said yes. I told him though that I would confirm to him on that Saturday (hell, I don’t need to confirm, I’m positively going!). so we went to the club, and it was actually fun going out with him and his friends. I wouldn’t say it was totally, unbelievably F-U-N, for he’s rather busy texting than dancing. But he did give me heads up on this bad habit of his, so I didn’t take notes.

The next day, we went to a hotel to ‘cuddle’, or so we said. Did this and that, and I noticed something’s off; was those messages so important that he couldn’t stop? But then, perhaps those were important and I’m being too cynical. So we he asked me for a movie the next day, happily I said yes. He said we’re going to watch 2 movies I already watched, but since I was to happy to went out with him, I didn’t mind. Blind dating and Push, and those messages still with us. We never saw each other nor we have any intentions to ask each other out ever since. Again, it’s a real shame! I really liked him! But with him, it was more like double date; him with his Nokia and me with my imaginary date. At one point, I wonder, did we have a threesome back then?

Yesterday

Me, Dewi (my sister) and her clique went to Loewy (a supposedly hip and trendy, and might I add, over-priced place for sight-seeing at the center of Jakarta). The place was nice, filled with mostly cute guys, and I’m loving every second of it when the cute guy wearing white, sitting in front of me looking cute and all. A lemon juice costs me my 50’s I’ll never see again. Not as expensive as HardRock I know, but I love HardRock! Overall, I love the place, maybe occasionally?

After that, we went to Aphrodite for some free-flow drinks. Just around the area. The place really looked like bars you’d usually saw in Americans soap opera shows. A typically Americans bar, filled with Caucasians and class-C Indonesian hookers. Beers and pools. Soccer and French fries. The place couldn’t go anymore testosterone! We drank beers! We took Gin and Tonic! We grabs French fries! I ate Zuppa soup and mashed potatoes. The place was actually quiet okay, it was a different perspective for me and I enjoyed it from 9 pm to 10 pm. The rest was just not okay! We went home at 12 after dancing to the 80’s songs! Grease and the gang!

Lots of Love!

iMac for sale

i'm more than prepared now to let go of my old lovely iMac... who has been with me for the past 5 years, it should be hard for me... but then i got a new one... so... (what a bad owner am i?)

ok, i'm letting him (the iMac) for Rp. 6.000.000,- (negotiable) and his specifications are as following...

iMac G4
macOsX 10.2
256 DDR SDRAM
60GB HardDisk
and has been a good friend of mine... :001_smile:

ok... if you really are interested, please send mail to me at:

Biquarantine@yahoo.com

p.s. out of towners, please prepared more fees for sending the package out of town of course :)

capital BOREDom

(BLONDE)

(RED)

how bored am i? it shows the minute i post this blog.. yep... for a busy house-wife like me to log in and post new blog lately seems pretty impossible (or is it that i'm pretendin to be all busy when i'm not)...

so... as of me today, i'm pretty much the same me couple months ago... wee bit of change tho... wee tiny bit thing like me and a friend have decided to make a photographic work together, and we called us 'phutugenic'. isn't that just cute?! if any of you needed like a still life photo for food, fashion photographic, or anything there is, look for us okay! well.. you mite need some proof of how good we are by looking at our portfolios for sure... and that you will surely get! just contact us first... :-)

another thing.. i kinda went blonde last week.. and the result was greater than i imagined (as seen on attachment). loved loveddd it! and so, seeing how great it was, stupid me bleached it all over again and hoped for the result to be even whiter than before... i was aiming for that look... as you all can guess, after 8 times of bleaching, my hair went ballistic and decided that they want to leave me and one by one they fell off... leave me only the left and top side of hair... as imbalance as it was, i shaved the left side and that leave me the top (at least the trend called mohawk) and i topped it with deep red...

anyway...

Lots of Love!

pervert shows

I’ve heard from a friend that ‘lord of dance’ is so hot nowadays… and as I quote him, it’s ‘so addictive’… is it really? With the word ‘shower time’ or whatever it is, my brain assumed it’s a show where naked guys taking shower sexily with oohh and aahh down to a sexy progressive music where the audience could dance along whilst aroused by the sexy naked guys taking shower. I have to say, I will never say no to that! It’s just too bad that fpi wont allow any of that, and even if they do, you can only imagine the tax bill one club has to pay in order to perform such shows. Although, I’ve heard of one club, Alexis, which has similar type show according to one close friend of mine. She said that on special events, they perform a live sex show between, of course, a man and a woman doing foreplay with sexy oily skin mixed with sweats all over their body on a glass box reminisced of an aquarium. Sadly… When Mr. Happy breaching towards Mrs. Cheerful, the lights out and it’s time for sexy naked dancers (woman of course… sigh). Half naked shows are more popular in this munafik country. Let’s take my favorite club for example. Half naked woman shows are simply the main daily menu that filthy old horny bastards hunger for. The women danced to a song and at précised moment they tangled their lingerie slowly in consistent with the melodies. I have to say, some of them got great boobies. But for most, their doctors should get an E for bad transplants. 4 dancers perform simultaneously on a round stage and market their kiss and faux-affections in exchange of bonuses. Audiences are allowed to pick one of their favorites for a lap dance and one shot of red tequila mouth to mouth. Cost them only a hundred and twenty per shots including their sexy topless dancer dancing around their lap deliberately intended to fashion a hard on just so that he will booked her for a night out after the show (ka ching.. she’s makin money). Another scene at the only gay bar in Jakarta, Heaven. Average type body hunk, half naked with oil (it’s a must), dancing duet with other average type body hottie touching each other as if they’re doing foreplay (but with underwear… pleaseee…) that guarantee a hard on for their audiences. I never personally see it (then again… I rarely go there. Not such a nice place and music they got), but a friend have informed me that on special events, their go-go boys danced til naked with their wee-wee hanging and swinging. Ahhh… lust… passion… desire… they’re all over now and yet… nobody’s there to share the rage of getting physical with emotional attached on the side. What’s left is someone purposely for merely sexual… Well, I guess that’ll do! ☺

Lots of Love!

naive me...

Should I check my self into the naïve or stupid box for believing in chat rooms? And I have to add… chatting on yahoo messenger with stranger I don’t even know let alone long distance! I may have been loved with sugary words and fonts and dirty cam shows that has led me to bad sleep hours, sold myself on cam showing dirty things also, and the worst… Surrendered my heart… to someone I barely know (ow, that’s just tacky). Should I say that from now on, I’m never going to chat on those chat rooms ever again and talk with strangers overseas (I could be that cynical).

Naïve me… sigh… nahhh… stupid me.

Anyway... That’s just an opening of my life today… continuing on sharing every bit of my life…

Last night, we’re supposedly going to sun city for Tere had invited us all to go there. But then, my sister told me to accompany her to her shop today because she has to deliver some cables to her client. She told me that we’ll be back around 3 pm, so I said yes (usually she’d be heading back around 4 pm, and 4 pm road is just disgustingly jammed! Never I said yes to a 4 pm road back home). So… for the cause of waking up early to go to the shop, we had to say no to Tere and the drunken gang. 4 o’clock and still can’t sleep; it’s so not me to go offline. Went online and checking couple mails and suddenly it’s 6.30 am! Will not miss ciggy time…. :D

Am now outside and inhaling the heavenly cancer-cause cigs and sipping morning coke (not the best morning drink I have to say). Tonight another plan going to the favorite club.. yay… it should be fun tonight for I have thought of a guy to asked along. Well… a friend of mine that’s not yet introduced to me and I think it’s the right time for the fix up.

Ow… just illegally download from a friends CD! A great progressive compilation! Including stoop it, fly away, el ritmo, rusty guitar and lots more! Kewl!

Lots of Love!

Chinese New Year

First of all, I would like to say happy Chinese New Year to ya’ll! And it has been a great one this year, not because of the angpao I was getting, but more of experience I acquired. And beside, according to Chinese horoscope, this is my year, which is the year of rat. And many many magazines have said that this year is great for me (not that I believe of any of that, but how I hope so).

And so, last Thursday was the first day of Chinese New Year and visiting relatives is on the menu. I visited like 3 houses and sitting on the very back seat of the car is making me dizzy (for the trip to one house takes like half an hour). I was wearing my ‘voulez vous touché moi pistol’ polo and jeans completed with my semi-formal fake LV. At every stop, I ate the food they’re making, and that’s how my jeans button was popped out and haven’t fixed it since. The night, we went to one usual club and drunk ourselves out. I touched the point where I’m seeing things that beyond any explanations. Like one of my friends face is suddenly looked very old with wrinkles on her face. Not only me, my sister said she saw a headless man holding a shirt, a granny sitting next to my friend, and a little kid standing next to the railing. And another friend also told me that my face was bloated. But still, fun was all over the place that night. The symptoms were saying that we’re all having a paranoia syndrome for we’re all too high.

Friday night we went again. A friend, Tere, invited us for her friends Chinese New Year party at the hottest and most expensive karaoke in town, Sun City. The interior of the karaoke room was fantastically European ambiance. With Michael Angelo’s paintings on the ceiling and renaissance furniture all over the place, the place couldn’t go anywhere wrong. They almost made me stripped on the stage. Thank god I still have human sense of decency that stopped me from taking all my clothes off, unlike my dance opponent that took his clothes off, showing his very round belly (looked so bitchy and gay, and he took advantage of my drunkenness, he kissed me! Shoot!). My brother in law saw me almost too drunk he gave me H5 just to lower the liquor level on my liver. We left the place around 4 am and went to Bun Ong after.

Last Saturday was the big event at the usual club we planned from weeks before. Should’ve start with karaoke at around 7 pm, instead, waiting for my sister touched up her make up we arrived at 10 pm. The night went ok, just not as good as last Thursday when we’re on the sofa. The people in that room was all just seems too individualistic. The ambiance was all wrong despite the fact that one of my friend almost over dosed! Thanked god that he did not! He went home right after he’s a bit sober and safely home for all we know. We all know that Tere is all about betting. That night she betted a lot! She told primus and me that if we kiss together for 10 minutes, she’d be giving us 1 mil. Of course there was no bet made between her, primus and me, 10 minutes is too long for a kiss! But she’s fun. :D. she’s also really like to give people a lap-drink as we said, it’s when she’s forcibly give a shot of Martell by sitting on your lap. Dang you Tere! ☺

Through all the fun I had the last couple of days, I did missed someone…

Lots of Love!

morning entry with filthy ciggy

Opening a new business in Jakarta is not as easy as it sounds. Especially if you have to start from zero. Unlike any other rich man’s son who can inherit their fathers business and start from CEO to head of CEO if there’s any, I had none to inherit (seeing that my father possessed not one building residing at the center of Jakarta). I’m not saying that no business my fathers running through his days is dead, but then, there’s always my brother and sisters to continue his work (and not my field I might add). That’s why, as the last son and the person who don’t know a thing about electricity, I’m not putting my hands on it. Luckily, my mother gave birth to her 5th child with a set of creative and talented brain. Unlucky for her, there’s always a catch. Being gay is one of them. Then again, creative, cute and fashionable has always linked to gay-ish attitude for guys (wow, cute is a strong word and I used it to portray a bobby? How certain…). Being creative has made me of who I am now. Not me whose income is based on uncertain freelance jobs, but me whose certain of that one-day where I’ll rise to become someone.

It’s 7.44 am now, with parents out on their morning walk, I’m free downstairs to smoke this filthy cigarettes and drink gassy coca-cola. I’m not sure if people allowed drinking soft drinks in the morning, but they sure taste good. I was supposed to sleep around 6 am. After half an hour trying, I decided to go downstairs and go online again. Apak’s not around. Feeling a little sleepy now, but 10 is the hour when all my sisters planned to go to mangga dua. Better wait if I want to go. Well… I’m in no position of going to mangga dua actually. First of all, I just went there like 3 days ago? Then I’m tired facing the crowds (considering that it’s Sunday and mangga dua is unquestionably full of crowds bargaining for cheaper price). And I don’t have anything in mind that I want to buy. But… The fear of facing home alone the whole day wiped that whole ‘mangga dua? I don’t think so!’ away. So yes, it’s now 8 and still 2 hours to go. I can handle 2 hours! Duh! Just have to buy a Kratingdaeng to pump this deadbeat body of mine.

Actually… I do need to talk about something about someone here in this blog of mine. But don’t you all think that it’s unfair for me to talk about that someone when I know that that someone read all my posts religiously? Yea… think so too! So, lets just keep it inside. ;-P

Lots of Love!

no one...

It’s been a while since Jakarta is pouring rain so hard like today. And it doesn’t stop my mother to energetically renovate the upstairs living room. Four helps, eight hands turned out is not enough for her that she also need my smooth hands (which now, not so much). So, just after sending my nephews to their playgroup, I was asked to go upstairs and clean the filthy mess that my sister made. With her room being renovated, some of her stuff is being put in the living room while the rest is sitting messily in my room. Dust is all over the living room. Not expecting my sister to clean her own mess, my mother forcibly asked me to cleaned it. A good son I am, I cleaned it without complaining. My level of temper back then is in moderate position, until I saw my sister sitting downstairs watching ‘cinta fitri’ (a supposedly prominent TV series in Indonesia). Tossed a tampon off my hands, I went downstairs and yelled, then back to my room. Goddarn, I had a room of my own to clean and she’s just resting with chitato on one hand and remote on the other! That is just so her. My room is still a mess now for her stuff is still in here and she’s in the next door, cleaning her room with of course… help. Uh uh, am not helping her now. She did ask my opinion on how about re-designing her room. Well, with a lot of her stuff, can’t say much except to not letting her buy another furniture.

The rain is still pouring as I glanced over my windows. Dark skies have always made me feel so blue. And today, perhaps it’s even worse. Can’t say why, don’t think I even know why. Listening to upbeat songs of Britney Spears does not wipe away anything. Should I open my cart of pink poster paint and paint it over? Should I go out to OC café and feel the ocean breeze with a glass of iced lemon tea and a plate of burger for only Rp. 8000,-? Nahh… I think I’m better off here, in my room, listening to Mulan Jameela latest song (kinda getting bored tho). In a way, I think the rain has held me captive in my own room. Tired of going anywhere. Anyway I don’t really like walking through puddles, my white sandal won’t allow me…

When the rain is pouring down
And my heart is hurting
You will always be around
This I know for certain

You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don't worry 'cause
Everything's going to be alright
People keep talking they can say what they like
But all i know is everything's going to be alright

No one, no one, no one….
Can get in the way of what I’m feeling
No one, no one, no one….
Can get in the way of what I feel for you

Dang! Why the iTunes played this song! If my feeling is a bruise, maybe the color has changed into purplish blue.

Otakmu seksi, itu terbukti, dari caramu memikirkan aku
Matamu seksi, itu terbukti, dari caramu menatap aku

Aku seperti ada di dalam penjara… cintaaaa mu

Kamulah makhluk tuhan, yang tercipta, yang paling seksi
Cuma kamu yang bisa.. membuatku terus menjerit
Aw aw aw.. uh uh uh

Yay yay… Mulan Jameela (and not a dangdut singer people!)

It is now 11.26 pm, I’m Bobby Eddy Usmady, signing off… see you again fellas!

Lots of Love!

8 be a lucky number?

Wow.. days being counted, it’s been 88 days since the last time I’ve written anything. Good number I must say. Funny thing, today, as my brother-in-law bragged to us, he received Rp.8.880.000. well, yea, I know it does not have anything to do with anything. Anyway… it’s been a while since I’m being a softies and wrote my problems and begging for attention from my regular readers (and not a long list I might add). But of course, I cannot let my fans down just because I am now happy and all that. And so, here I am, begging for another kind of attention (what is up with me?! Sick bastard!) and besides, a new fans have requested me to post a new entry because with his word... my blogs are boring! What the…?! here's for you apak! :D

The last post was about me talking about love in particular way, which got my self confused. And also about certain sister and her on-and-off relationship with her boyfriend. Now, I seldom think about love and my sister broke up with that boyfriend two weeks ago. That goes to a new saying: singles are contagious! Are they really? Well, if it not because of a friend who’s recently break up for sure with her cheating boyfriend… my sis wouldn’t have the guts to make a list of ‘pro n cons’ and break up with her ‘also’ cheating boyfriend (I can’t say for sure that he’s cheating, but I’m damn sure he lied a lot!)

And just this evening, we went to gang gang sulai to filled our fat belly with nasty beef, chicken and squid, which actually tasted great (but after 4 plates, it taste like shit!). Only for 45.000 per person! Great price.

Why do I tell today stories when you might wonder where I’ve been missing for the last 3 months eh? (OMG, who am I that you might wonder?)
Anyway I’m still going to share the last 3 months of mine. In short of course!

I met a new circle of friends just the last few months. Not quiet a good circle I have to say, but they’re fun! And the more fun is, my sisters and bro in-law are also in the same circle (so I don’t have to share my time for them again, hohhoho).

November was all about starting to know a new club, lots of hookers inside (like I give a shit!) and sugar daddy with lots of money (like I care! They’re straight anyway! LOL), and mommy’s boy holding daddy’s credit cards (spoiled little brats). I went there a lot with my sisters and friends. we all wanted to stop going there, but there were always a reason to go there, like someone’s birthday, someone’s heartbroken, someone’s bla bla bla… it was there when I met this guy, a 28 years old quiet-cute guy, asking for my number. I was high; I gave him mine without any doubts. Half an hour later, he called me and asked me to meet him outside and talk with him. So I went there, leaving my sisters and friends, to his car and talk. We kissed bla bla bla… the rest is history until one day he stopped contacting me, and so I stopped contacting him. But until now, I still go to that club.

December was all about this new circle I’m in now. They’re all straight, girls and boys, they know I’m gay and they’re fine with it. Girls may be disappointed and boys may feel threatened, but with time overdue, we went along just fine (the boys are not my types anyway. LOL). This new circle is also about clubs and stuff, that’s why we (me n my sisters) went to that club even more. The best one was the new years night out. I wore my ‘only guys’ polo and we club until the sun came up. There were almost 20 people inside the sofa we’re in and everybody’s happy! That night, I’m not feeling lonely like the other days before, I was with my sisters and friends!

And January is all about alcohols! I met this new friend, which turned out to be my friend back then when we used to play ice-skating. She’s an alcohol fans all right. We went a couple of times with her and served with Martell vsop the least. And whenever we went out with her, we had to play games with her group and loser drinks the shot prepared by the loser before on the table. Once I played this game with her, 2 shots min and 4 shots max! pure martell never goes wrong, I puke like 10 times or more that night and having the worst hang over the next day! I can still even feel the smell of it (well… not literally speaking). Ahhh… the temptations are way bigger than my head thinking clearly….

My room is now like the community room for all people! I hate it but what can I say?! I’m stuck! The house I live now is the place where all the friends went to before we’re going out somewhere, it’s like the meeting point. And talking downstairs is not gonna do, because my parents bedroom is downstairs. And so, they have to go upstairs if we wanted to talk freely. All my sisters room upstairs are all packed with they’re things, and the least furniture is my room. So, there you go! Trying to have a minimalist room will get back at you! My room is all messed up because of them, I have to re-do my room one of these days for sure! And they named my room ‘kamar putih’, since all my furniture is simply white! :D

Lots of Love!

what or what?!?!?

According to Ewan McGregor, the greatest thing you’ll ever learn to love and be loved in return. He’s nowhere near wrong. Fights come and goes, small things becomes big, from difference of opinions to pride that has to be saved. When you learnt love, those things are like a rocky road; it’s annoying but you went through the road anyway.

Fights over lies are a whole other thing, and once a bastard indeed always a bastard.

Second chance led to other chances and before you know it he’s cheating under your nose and lied without a single guilt on his mind. Your love is what usually provides those chances for him, and when you realize things, it’s getting harder; for each day your love is getting deeper and deeper. So when you feel like you can’t stand it anymore, you break him up. And when he comes with his sweet surrender, and your feelings were bubbling together along with what you thought was some sweet memories, you gave in with nothing like ‘he’ll lie again’ crossed your thought.

But I have to say, people do change. Once always a bastard to a lovey loversons. Then comes series of questions like ‘how to know that one is changing?’, ‘do they have to reach certain age to change?’, ‘is being immature have anything to do with anything?’, ‘what if there’s some who will never change?’

‘Will love help?’

I’ve always thought that love was overrated. But now I’m standing on the edge between two concepts that contradict each other. When I say that love indeed help so much, am I overrating it? But I really do think that love aid. And so, when I say that when you really love somebody you could never deliberately hurt him or her, am I overrating it again? Then again, I really do think that way.

I’ve had what I thought was love, I cheated. Now that I think about it, it was not love; it was just some blurred thing I false implied as love. So if someone ask me I will held my head high and say I never been in love.

I’ve also experienced the love someone had me reaching stars, he ended it. His sweet lips might have said love and spread love as he sprinkle tab water to his garden. Still, he ended things equivalent with blurred thing he false implied with love. So, I doubt that his love was true.

Do I still think that once a bastard always a bastard? The answer would be ‘yes’ and ‘no’.

‘yes’ to : no he will never change no matter how many chances you gave him. He lied and cheated on you and that usually translate to he does not love you!

‘no’ to : he used to be a bastard, but once he found his true love, he’ll never hurt his love intentionally.

Got me? Cause I don’t!

This is all so, me stating love in such apparent ways when I do realize that love indeed a lot more complicated that just yes or no, black or white. While writing, I did thought; what if maybe he doesn’t love you at first and purposely hurt you, but over time, after couple of rides he rode, knowledge he experienced, he realized that you’re the one and love you truly ever since. Complication is the one thing that makes it all interesting to experience.

It’s been a rough day for my sister. The climax of her premenstrual syndrome and her boyfriend got caught lying… again! My previous posts are some evidence of the ‘again’ I was talking about. She’s been nothing but loyal and understanding (I should know, I’m her brother) when he reasoned being tired and all but god knows what he’s doing (2 days sleeping?? Come on!). Fucking annoying bastard that’s just not worth everything she was giving. Excuse my French, but I’m just over the top hating this guy. The news my sister gave me doesn’t make me hate him more, I just couldn’t.

I don’t know how many times I’ve uttered my feelings about this non-sense creepy guy and explain with so many words that he’s just not worth it. None works effectively! She’s just crawling back to his bedding of lies and hoped miracles working their ways up to her lap. Miracles got lost; she’s back with heavy loads of pain. With her own word, she was ‘mentally abused’. And now, the only thing I want her to comprehend and keep in mind is that it’s tough being single, but it’s tougher when you’re in a single relationship (relationship takes two! Doh! Both sides stories, both sides love!)

Note…
It may have been a tough day for my sister, but it’s been a tough weekend on my account. Three days of clubbing really takes it out of you. I sensed it was time for me to stop… last week. Doin it, doin it, I’m doin it well!

Lots of Drinks!

siblings nite out

I have a thought… if relationships are hard, why bother having one? But then… I have another thought; it’s harder to be alone. Unavoidable word for all singles out there. It’s true, god did made humans meant to be paired.

This sort of rush feelings that we usually get on our first date, well I gotta say, that’s the best! New feelings that are about to bound together as one, the rush of talking about the futures ahead together as a couple. Getting to know each other, the missing and everything… the things we only get on the pre-relationship we mostly missed after relationship runs in quiet a while. Come to think about it, maybe that’s the reason why back then all my relationships was so…. Dry. Though, I’m sure out there, there’s someone who can always make me feel like on the first date even though it’s our 5th anniversary. And in return, I will make sure that I’m the best that one person ever gotten a.k.a heaven on earth!

When I’m feeling happy and positive about my single relationship with myself, both my sisters were having problem with theirs. Fights really indeed common in relationships. Some were made-fights to spice up the connection, some were just stupid fights over stupid little things, some were real fights that was led by all those stupid little fights… and when it happened, it’s as if a cue for clubbing night and dance our ass off!

2 years of relationships, I say quiet a long period of togetherness. Way passed the getting-to-know-each-others-ugly-side. Maybe a time for sacrificing ones habit for the other one after the proposal handed over. We all knew it was not her time to change when he, forcibly, asked her. And she was all ‘why can’t he accept me for who I am? I can’t wear this and that, I can’t even use this ribbon!’ (And showing her rather childish ribbon and hey, non problemo). She drank much that night and still she was feeling rather blue and not in the mood. Then, around 3, he showed up putting his ego down… and yes, she’s back on track!

7 years, 2 babies popped, and too many dramas later, through all the unnecessary fights and the last fight just before we went out to drunk our asses off, they’re still care for each other. The sweetest thing happened on the dance floor, while dancing with me, she called him and said that she loves him and he said he love her too always, with upbeat love song in the air (and might I add, lots of smoke filled the air too!) hung up the phone she hugged me crying. It was 2 am, feeling better after the call she just made we danced until 7 am.

Have fun sisters?

Lots of Love!

'secret'

A friend I met recently at yahoo messenger spoke to me about this DVD that’s apparently changed his lives (I can’t say changed his lives in whole, maybe changed his point of view). The ‘secret’ they called it. Definitely I remembered talking about that certain DVD to other friend I talked earlier. I remember it clearly because it was when I said I am a negative person, then he came endorsing the ‘secret’ to me which I directly said no to. And so, when I heard this friend hand over the idea again, I was ready to say no when he shut me up and talk and talk and talk about this ‘secret’ and how it changed his life point of view and that it made him a whole new person. He really scared me, I never see him in such situation, a blabber I might say. Never before, for 11 years we’ve been friend, I saw his side of stubbornness. Intrigued (and scared a bit), I googled it. ‘The law of attraction’ was the main key to this ‘secret’, and that was the best I could get. He insisted that I should buy the book and better yet watched the DVD, and to promised him that I will buy the DVD the next day. Avoiding his odd bizarre approach, I said yes and log off with no intention to buy anything the next day for I will be hell busy cleaning the house.

And so, I was being a very good son, cleaning the house (while cursing my life), I washed the clothes, I ate, I drank, I napped. It was 7 p.m when my sisters and in-law wanted to pick something and asked me to watched Nathan in their room. While he’s playing alone with his board (which he made believed to be a fan), I explore their messy room and hoping that I would find the matrix movie I’ve been craving for the last few days. Then there it was, the ‘secret’ DVD, just laying there not yet to be opened, sealed. There’s no wonder how she got it in the first place, she has a pile of being-positive book under her dirty clothes. My curiosity level back then was over the top that I took it and opened the seal without asking permission (anyway they were out). Nathan was still playing, alone, so I went to my room next door to watched it.

It was brilliant!

As I watched the program, I don’t know why but I can’t stop smiling. I was maybe a bit overwhelming at first, but then as I thought about it, smiling is not going to harm me, why not?! I had the thought of that it was just made-believe, and that it was just so people feeling good about themselves. Well that’s the whole point isn’t it? Feel good about yourself, feeling grateful of what you have, always focusing on what you want and act on it! Sadness and misery comes all the time, don’t focus on that, focus on what you have and you feel good about. For me, ok I don’t have the perfect relationship, I don’t have a great career…

the truth is, it’s not ‘DON’T’, it’s just ‘NOT YET’!

Positively, I’m sure I will have all that in no time! Meanwhile, I’m just going to be grateful on what I do have, a great family, the good life, the good food I ate, good friends, great hair, cute looking ;-), talented, creative, etc. And now I don’t understand why I let someone-who-breaks-my-heart getting me all down the last few weeks when I have all the above that I dearly possessed all these times… it’s just stupid! Or as my friend would say… stupido idioto!

Lots of Love!

masquerade

Your sweet lips said yes to me the first time I knew you
Your sultry eyes showed cared the first time we met
Your soft hands caressing gently through my skin
I fell through deep hole you made and I’m trapped

But you left…
Left me thinking that it was all just another show you performed
a magnificent show that has blinded my eyes

Life is a theater; people have their own part
I am as blank as everybody else to know how my story would go
Let alone a story in addition of a role within a role
So how was I to know that you would break my heart?

If this is what it is, and my negative thoughts were real…
You deserved an award for the role that you played
And sincerely, I applaud you

Someone has fooled me not long before you
Someone who played a double role inside my tale
I have never been wrong in recognizing the type
But I missed one, and it was you
I saw you and you were not once showing that you are the type
I have always thought that it was your inattentiveness personality
And dealing with that I was beginning to feel ready

Your line of honesty has opened my eyes
I thanked you for coming clean with me
You knew I need constant convincing
The one thing you’re tired of giving
And my pessimistic presumption was:
That it was all planned by you intended to drive me away
You made it, you drove me away…

I may have been somewhat immature the night I called you
It was never my intention to do so and I have to apologize
I can say it was hard for me to face the fact
But I never hated you and never I will
Truth be told, I’m being grateful of what you did
You are another lesson I had to elapse to reach the end

Another immature behavior I possessed had erased you off my phone
It was not my smartest move, don’t look down on me ☺
I can promise you, if we bump into each other somewhere
I will politely ask how have you been doing
Just like what I did with that someone who fooled me before

i am free now, for you have provided a stairs for me to climb
to climb off the hole i was trapped in
and now... if it is not too much to ask
i'm begging for you to loose the stairs
just so i'm not voluntarily and easily...
enter your deep hole ever again

Lots of Love!

bye bye bitch

It may not be some kind of a new years resolution. But at least, I’m thinking it’s time for me to change. I don’t really know if it’s possible or not for me to let go of my bitchiful sentiment, but at least I’m going to try my best.

When did it all started? Well, it comes from a dear friend. And I’ve known him since junior high school. I thought he knew I am that bitchy… umm.. Actually he knew, but I think he didn’t handle with it very well. So, just last week, on YM (I kinda forgot what exactly he said to me, but I’m just going to explain the essence of the story). So on YM, he told me that he just downloaded the 2nd part of American Next Top Model cycle 9. And of course I was psyched! I love ANTM sooo darn much! I asked him right away to put it in USB and the next time we meet to bring it. He was on a sensitive mood he told me, so when he felt I was forcing him all the time, he said ‘a simple thank you would’ve been nice’, I knew I should use my manner and said ‘thank you, you are so nice’ in a polite yet sincere way. Instead, I was sort of pulling a joke and said ‘thank you Robertino’ in a making-fun kind of way.

Insulted, he confronted me right away…
‘I’m tired Bobby!’
‘I’m tired of you, you’re such a diva!’

That’s where I knew I was over the line. But still, saving my pride, I yelled back! I kind of forgot what exactly did I say, but I’m sure I said ‘try to say NO to me! If you never told me what you felt about all those things, then how should I know?! I am not a psychic you know!’

Robert, you really are a nice friend! And I’m sorry for treating you like that. Promise that I’ll change (I’ll try my best, just don’t expect too much). So we cool? ;-)

One last thing… Before I’m trying to change a little of my attitude, I would really like to empty my negative thoughts about other people that I hated. So I’m just going to spill it. I’m not going to put names; instead I’ll replace it with numbers…

1. You are so fake! If you don’t really posses something, don’t act like it. Social awareness of you wouldn’t get you anywhere. And I think it has something to do with your immaturity. You and your so-called clique should learn a lot. There’s more to it than just wealth and pride. Some are fortunate, some don’t, some black and some white, and a lot of other differences, but we are all the same human being.
2. You are so stupid! He cheated on you THREE times and still you wouldn’t hear what we’re trying to say to you? Instead you kept on listening to his ‘je ne sais qua’ bullshit. He lived near his boss, his boss is a cheater, what do you expect?! I’m not being negative, but it’s been three times, THREE times! I never want to meddle into others relationship, but you are close to me…
3. I hated you, you hurt my close one! You cheated on her three times and you still have the guts to faced me?! And talk to me?! I hated you the first time you cheated, I felt like I will never forgave you, but then she asked me to cause she loves you so much, and I gave in and welcomed you back. But bastard, you lied, and you cheated again! What kind of animal are you?!
4. You played a lot of games towards me back then. I should’ve known your type, but I was just too naïve I guess. I just don’t understand how human being could be so full of tricks.
5. You talked about him too much! It’s driving me insane… arghhhh… is there anything better for me to listen than some junk about how you realized he was the one that you shoved through my ears?
6. You are cute and I like you. But what did we talk about? Games? star wars? Myanmar?! Uh uh… i gotta tell you I am smart, but I’m not encyclopedia smart OK. I’m lost most of the time when I’m with you. oh, and i'm begging you not to play with my heart! i'm too old for that kind of games anyway! i just needed a goddamn simple relationship! is that too much to ask?
7. You really know how to make me feeling guilty. And I despised you for that.
8. I knew you were into looks and stuff, but you tried to deny it when I confronted you. The question is… would you still have the courtesy to ask me to stay over at your place if I’m overweight? I’m guessing NOT. hey, I’m not judging ppl who are into appearance, I AM anyway one of them… just be frank!
9. You are the greatest. If you don’t own both right and left hand, I would be honored to open doors for you. But hey, you DO OWN them! Stop being such a diva when you knew you’re NOT!
10. You wear too much make up; you looked like a Halloween clown. Did you ever notice that?
11. You cried all the times… my my… Ahhhhhh!!!! Why? You are spoiled little bitch aren’t you?! But it’s ok, you are cute most of the times
12. I have no idea how many times have I told you not to pupu on the pants!! I yelled, I shouted, I ignored, I threatened, even I compared… but you never listen eh? What are you sick or something that you can’t say ‘uncle I want to pupu’?!?! was it too hard for you?! Aside from the pupu thing, you are still my favorite of the two…
13. It’s funny how when we entered your room, we can’t even touch your bed sheet but when it comes to you entering our room… you are just as free as a bird sitting on our beds doncha?? Are you really that selfish slut?
14. You’ve got bigger figure than the others, and me and yes you threatened us vigorously. But you are just a little mini coward when it comes to your friends, am I right? Fucking pathetic loser!
15. Both of you are totally one of a kind, and you are totally made for each other! You both have so many similar personalities and have lasted for years. I envy you on that part. But you both are just an accusing couple who like blaming every negative things to other people, am I correct?! Bitches! Stop pointing your finger at me; you know I could do a lot worse!

It’s really tiring eh, pulling out negative thoughts… ☺
It’s still a long list, but I felt rather sick thinking the negative side of people all at once. This does not include long-lost fake friends; I might be out of control if I wrote about them… anyway…

Lost of Love!

P.S. when I judged the above list people, I do know that I have some negative points too and I’m being self-critical about it. Just reminding, so you’re not thinking that I’m some of those judgmental psycho who didn’t read himself.

this guy

I went online… again! I didn’t know anything better to do! Poor me… anyway, I went online, but back then I promised myself I wont sign in to IRC and sticking to Yahoo Messenger only just to catch up the latest gossip with some of my friends. And none of them online! Checking all mails done, downloading Aly & AJ’s ‘potential break up song’ done, downloading Amadeus 1.5.3 done… and so I turned on IRC (Arghhhhh!!!). Some people on the channel mostly they knew that DonJuahn was my nick, persisting on I don’t want anybody knew I was online; I used the nick [click`me`im`cute]. I don’t normally using nick like ‘cute’, ‘hot’, ‘handsome’ or anything similar, anyway I am this one insecure boy, especially lately when I gained a lot of weight and didn’t work out as much as I used to. No doubt, people who were into appearances all queried me (it’s really rare for me to be busy on the channel). There were rude people, weird psycho, old pervert, sex addict, immature puberty, and sadomasochist… and then there’s this one guy, he talked good English (well educated really turns me on, not in a sexual way btw). He talked shit, craps, cliché, whatever bullshits but then he managed to make all that interesting for me to response back. We traded pics, he insisted that I should view his profile and so I did. He’s not really my type for he looked so small. Whenever I chatted on IRC, it’s normal for people to find something, whether it was just a one-night stand, a simple date and/or perhaps potential boyfriend. How can I see my self with someone that looked like a midget?

One little thing that hit my attention was his overly confident self. He is! He talked it’s as if he can get anyone to like him, I was intrigued. The time I told myself I wont give any phone numbers that night, I gave him mine (think he doesn’t take no for an answer). He called me later that night. Thought he was in Indonesia but no, he was overseas (what’s the point?!?! Not another LDR!!). But then he told me he’s departing the next day and that he actually lives in Indonesia. Turned out, he’s a friend of my friend. And so when he made friendly date with his friend, my friend asked me to come along. Promised Elen that I would help her with her finals, I had to say no. But then, she cancelled on me (that beeyatch!) because he had to work the next day. So when he called me again to confirm, I said yes to Hot Station. I didn’t saw, but he said he did this face, this insistent solicit face he imitated from puss-the-boots on Shrek 2. It was kinda funny.

I met him. And turned out, pictures really indeed lied. He looks nothing like his pictures. His face was still the same, but he’s bigger. Doesn’t at all looked like a midget. Shoot! He’s a little babbling tho… and his face was as red as a boiled crab.

What’s with this picture?!?!

Lots of Love!

webcam & the number 5

Today, my task was to deliver one letter my sister gave me earlier to the post office. And so, I went to Multiplus, an all-that business centre near my house (of course after driving my dad to the atm, he’s just too lazy). I dropped the letter to be delivered. On the way out, a couple of teenagers barged in and told the lady they wanted to use the internet. I was always curious trying on one of those webcam and perhaps sign in on one of those chatting room and use the nick ‘cam2cam`Jakut’ mite be fun! (yes, I don’t have any webcam, boohoo me!). I asked the lady that I wanted to use the internet upstairs, and she just said “you’re on number six”

Hmm… not very typical like the other internet places where I just pick wherever and whichever computer as I liked and I sat and I log in. so I went upstairs and look for number six from 40 computers there. It was at the far dark corner next to the glass window they uses to separate between smoking and non-smoking room (I felt like I was in a restaurant or something). And there, the number 5, staring at me looking cute and all, and then back to his monitor. I was starting to felt ecstatic when suddenly I found out that there’s no webcam whatsoever on all the computers. Without further ado, I went downstairs and asked the lady where did all the webcam go?! She said there were never any. So I left Multiplus. At the edge of the rolling door, I just remembered about that cute number 5… Darn, I should’ve asked for his phone number! I put down my will and went home without any new phone numbers on my phonebook (such a whore).

Home with nothing else to do, I went online. And found out that the picture of Dove that I took for one pullip contest was not eliminated and go on to the next round. The theme was Bon Appetite. I was supposed to take the photograph for I already had a couple of ideas on mind. Since Dove’s in my friends hand (it’s his), and he cannot go to my place so we decided that he’s going to continue the contest alone (I might give hands if he needed one online). He already took some photos and asked for my opinion; he’s not that bad himself. I just hope he’s not getting eliminated on the second round. Work it out bitch!

It was 5 when I thought that online at home was very… Very boring. So I went to Hot Station and used the free wireless while enjoying the view… it’s as if I always forgot that the view I’m looking for wasn’t meant to be Hot Station, it was always filled with horny 40 years old male who liked to flirt with young girls (amazingly those girls response was bitchy enough that those oldies just wont stop, then the girls started screaming bitchiful, totally annoying!). Not ONE, I repeat, NOT ONE single decent men I could lay my eyes on. I ended up downloading MP3 editor program from version tracker.

Went home at around 7, quick dinner and then to my room. Listening to new Britney Spears songs! They’re good! GOOD! I loooove ‘Got me high’ she sounds so sexy! Love love looooved her! I also like ‘it’s been a while’ and of course ‘Gimme more’, and not to be left out ‘Heaven on earth’. Nicole Scherzinger from Pussycat Dolls is totally hot too! Her duet with Rihanna ‘Winning Woman’ is a must! The best featuring since Timbaland + Nelly + JT and Beyonce + Shakira.


'Got Me High'

i love it…
everything you do is so seductive
you got, that thing that i want, and then some
and i can't even front, so listen,
i know what you're missing,
better hurry up cause time is ticking,

tick tock, tick tock

come and get me while i'm hot


Soooooooo HOTTTTT..!!!
You really got me obsessed Britney!

Lots of Britney!